JAN. 2025. Blues Vol 41 No. 1

three days a week for 90

three days a week for 90 days. Iwas finally undergoing the rightkind of mental health treatmentthat helped me heal and understandwhy I adapted to poorcoping strategies to self-medicatemyself. I only wished Iwould have begun this therapyfive years earlier, but it was betterlater than never.In April 2022, during my leaveof absence, I was placed on asafety plan because of my suicidalideations. The psychologicalexam discovered an elevatedrisk of harm to myself. I agreedto not engage in self-harm,destructive or life-threateningbehavior, or any other high-riskbehavior to myself or others. Idon’t remember ever wantingto die by suicide, but my behaviorswere very evident that I washeading in that direction. Therewere many nights I would prayto God that he would not let mewake up in the morning.In May 2022, I met with my policechief and was told my leaveof absence was not going to beextended. I was given the optionto resign, or I would be terminated.I chose not to resign andwas terminated.What next? I had been diagnosedwith a mental illness, on asafety plan, and terminated froma job I’ve wanted since I was alittle boy. I had been employedwith the police department for14 years. What if I would havegone home and died by suicide.It was almost as if the policedepartment washed their handsof me. I was ghosted by myco-workers. The same peoplewho not only knew me professionallybut personally. Theyknew my family, my daughters,helped me move, and even cameto me with their own personaland professional mental healthchallenges. I would have died forthem. I felt hopeless, helpless,and abandoned. I was devastated.I continued weekly therapy thatincludes in-person Psychotherapyand Eye Movement Desensitizationand Reprocessing (EMDR).I am also prescribed Lexapro(20mg) and Propranolol (asneeded) which are medicationsthat help me with my depressionand generalized anxiety.I have faced many personal andprofessional mental health challengesafter my critical incident,and it has taken me many yearsto get back on track. I am currentlya police captain in Wisconsin.I am where I am todaybecause I finally put myself firstand moved past my poor copingstrategies. I would not havebeen successful with healing mymental health without the unwaveringsupport of my Family,Friends, Colleagues, Counselors,and even complete Strangers. Iam very grateful and will neverbe able to put into words howmuch their support means tome.Please reach out to someoneif you believe they are strugglingwith their mental health.I know it may feel awkward oruncomfortable, but most peoplewill not admit they are struggling,and most people will notreach out for help. You couldbe a light during a very darktime in their life. Remember, it’sokay to talk about your mentalhealth. You are not alone. Pleasedon’t suffer in silence.I also want to thank my PoliceChief Shawn McGee for stronglysupporting our officers, ourcommunities, and my mentalhealth.Chief McGee’s leadership andsupport means so much to meand is important for raisingawareness that it’s OK to talkabout your mental health, youare not alone, and you don’thave to suffer in silence.120 The BLUES - JANUARY ‘25

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