Nov. 2024. Blues Vol 40 No. 11

WAR STORIES FROM X DRUNK

WAR STORIES FROM X DRUNK DECIDES TO BE A BUT- THEAD. EARNS 2+ WEEKS IN JAIL INSTEAD OF 0. Y’all liked my last story, so I thought I’d tell another that happened recently. This is the tale of Jose, a man who allowed pride to get the best of him. Pride and booze. Officer Sleepy is on his way back to the substation to end his shift. The last thing he wants is to get tied up with nonsense when he’s about to head home. But when Officer sleepy sees Jose driving like he’s blindfolded, he does the right thing and pulls him over. As soon as the window opens, Officer sleepy gets blasted in the face by the smell of beer. Jose is looking cross eyed, can barely say the alphabet or count to save his life. Officer sleepy runs Jose through SFSTs. Jose is confused why he had to keep doing more tests. He’s certain he nailed everyone. Spoiler alert: he did not. Officer Sleepy places Jose under arrest for one of the most obvious OVIs of his career. Jose is deeply indignant. He’s not a criminal! He doesn’t have guns! He did all the tests PERFECTLY! He’s done nothing wrong! Now here’s the thing you need to know about many big city agencies, including the one for which Officer Sleepy works: People arrested for OVIs are almost never taken to jail the night of their arrest anymore. They are given a court date and taken someplace safe. Officer Sleepy asks Jose for his information. Jose decides he is not going to go with the program and lies. He says he’s the registered owner of the car. Unfortunately for Jose, police can actually look up DMV photos, and clearly see that’s not him. Officer Sleepy asks what his real name is; Jose stays silent. Officer Sleepy gives Jose one more chance, “if you give us your ID info, you will go home tonight with a ticket and a court date. But if you do not ID yourself, as required by law, we will charge you with failing to ID, and I promise that you will spend The weekend in jail. And we will ID you anyway “ Well, Jose is too proud or drunk or stupid, or some combination thereof, and decides, “that’s fine, take me to jail. I’ll spend 2 or 3 days in there, no problem.” Officer sleepy took Jose to the ID unit to have him fingerprinted, where his name and info was discovered. After spending hours there and finishing paperwork, Jose was slated in jail about 4 hours after the traffic stop (about 3 hours after Officer Sleepy was supposed to leave for home ). Well, despite being a big city where many people are released on recognizance bonds, even for violent crimes, Apparently the court is not happy with Jose either for some reason. He was arraigned and given a large bond which he could not pay. Jose is spending his 17th day in jail as I write this. He has court again soon, where he may be released, if perhaps he can show a bit of humility before the judge. In the end, all he had to do was give up his name, and he wouldn’t have even spent a single night in jail. Part of me wants to see him again, so I can ask him if it was worth it. OFFICER SLEEPY, OUT OF SERVICE PASSENGER IN SUSPECT’S CAR I’ve always wondered what a cop would say that I should have 118 The Blues - - November ‘24

done differently. It was shortly after the start of a 1st date (blind date set up by a new work colleague), he was driving us to the restaurant; I have no idea why specifically he fled; he just told me he was wanted and took off. This was a couple of decades ago, I didn’t have a cell phone, I was in my early twenties and naive, and I’d only recently moved to San Francisco and didn’t know the city at all. They pursued. He lost them during a terrifying chase, by suddenly ducking down a residential street, pulling into an empty driveway, turning off the motor and pushing me to the floor then laying on top of me with his hand over my mouth. I saw several sets of lights go by several times and we laid there for a long time before he let me up. He said he wasn’t afraid I’d scream, that he’d only put his hand over my mouth so I wouldn’t hyperventilate and fog the windows. Which made me think that this wasn’t the first time he’d run. I considering jumping out of the car and banging on someone’s door, but I had no idea where I was or what kind of neighborhood it was, and the. He said he’d been really scared of getting caught because he had a gun under the seat. I asked him to take me home, and amazingly he did. I never heard from him again. My work colleague claimed he never saw him again, either, or that he didn’t know why he was wanted —- though they’d been high school buddies. During the chase, I was far more frightened that we’d crash or hit someone than I was of being “caught”, because I didn’t know what he’d done. And I was totally naive about police interactions. Since then, I’ve seen enough footage of police chases and read enough news stories to feel fear for anyone who is an unwilling/ unwitting passenger in a chase. WHAT NOT TO DO BEFORE FLEEING Let’s call him Jim. Jim ran a red light. Jim got pulled over. Jim is polite and respectful. Jim hands over his ID, insurance, provides his current address and phone number. Jim’s lady friend in the front seat even hands over her ID, unprompted. Officer runs Jim. Jim has a warrant for petty theft from a neighboring jurisdiction. Officer returns to Jim and tells him he has a warrant and needs to step out of the car. Jim says, “what? I have a warrant?” Then proceeds to put his car in gear and takeoff (with 2-year-old Jim jr. in the back without a car seat). Lucky for Jim the agency pursuit policy prevents officers from following him. Unlucky for Jim, officers now know exactly who he is and where he lives. Officers proceed to file warrants for 6 charges against Jim. The warrants also served to trigger an automatic violation of The Blues -- November ‘24 119