to her abuse from the start and encouraged their son’s abusive behaviors by rewarding him, making excuses for him, blaming Gabby, flipping the script, and keeping her in the fog that breaks down a person’s psyche and spirit over time. 18. Gabby and Brian had been together since their teens. This is also common. These immature relationships work beautifully when both partners grow together and mature emotionally. But when one wants to keep the other down, naive, and under his control…and the other is growing, learning, and maturing, it doesn’t work. 19. We hear Gabby tell the officer that Brain didn’t think she could do her travel blog. It seems clear that he didn’t believe in her and was trying to make her not believe in herself. 20. She also says he didn’t like her working and that he locked her out of the van because she wasn’t in her seat when he was ready to leave. Control issues?! He squeezed her face with his hand in anger. He cut her down and criticized her, verbally abusing her until she was a wreck of tears. He was breaking her spirit, intentionally. 21. Why? Because her focus wasn’t 100% on him. And because she had found a job she enjoyed and was good at and that allowed her to connect with other people, when he wanted her all to himself. 22. She now had this one little piece of her life that he couldn’t completely control, so he wanted to get rid of that. It angered him. He punished her for it. See the pattern? 23. The overall takeaway? When you see someone crying like this, don’t assume she’s crazy. Don’t buy into the false narrative given by the abuser. Don’t believe the cover-up story by the target who has been conditioned to carry all the blame and shame. And don’t assume she’s going to be okay. She just may end up your next recovered body. 24. If you or someone you love are in an unhealthy relationship, please don’t assume it will get better in time. I haven’t heard one single story where it got better. Not one. Not with therapy. Not with church. Not with prayer or forgiveness or complete surrender. Nothing works when the abuser is determined to destroy that target. He will not stop until she is erased from this world or from her life. And in many cases, he’ll walk away without any consequences. Please don’t let the next Gabby be you or someone you love. Domestic violence hotline: 1-800-799-7233 SHAWNA PRINGLE SHE IS CLOTHED WITH STRENGTH So many of us have been gripped by the Gabby Petito case. Those of us who have been in toxic and abusive relationships know all too well how these stories can go. As I looked at footage of Gabby and her boyfriend Brian Laundrie, on their road trip, I was reminded of how easily we can fool outsiders looking in that everything is okay. More than that, how we fool ourselves. I know firsthand, that it is not easy to leave. I was in my thirties, heading into my forties, when I found myself in something toxic and dangerous to my wellbeing. I had no clue what had hit me. It didn’t start off abusive. In my case, he started as my Knight in Shining Armor. Troubled, of course. Battling demons of his own. I was the perfect empathetic soul to make up a recipe for disaster. I was going to help him fight those demons. Only, he didn’t want that... he preferred to unleash those demons onto me. Unapologetically. Repeatedly. Behind closed doors. He made me think it was me. I was the cause. I was flawed, and he was just reacting to what was inherently wrong with me. As I looked at Gabby and Brian’s footage, I saw smiles... laughter... playfulness... adventure... affection... all of which I remember experiencing myself. This is what forms those TRAUMA BONDS and makes it so hard to let go. Those aspects are very real, and we hang on to them with a fierce grip. We are conditioned to. However, they hide another, much darker side. Brian fled to his parents, where he returned, alone. He was hidden and enabled not to cooperate. This lack of accountability is a huge part of the problem. I recall fleeing to my mother-in-law’s house, after having been shaken and thrown out of a vehicle earlier in the night. I had two black eyes, visibly forming. She didn’t even let me in. 18 The BLUES POLICE MAGAZINE The BLUES POLICE MAGAZINE 19
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